Help! My Mind is Controlled by Vampires

It should have been just another breathtaking day in the Olympic rain forest. You better love the color green up here in the Pacific Northwest. Emerald glimmers around every bend and poses spectacularly on every hillside.

The air is so thick, grey-green moss thrives on nothing more than humidity and floating nutrients. Delicate, flowing robes of this Bryophyte drape branch, bush and bramble. And phone booth.

Hiking past misty waterfalls and along shadowed forest trails was the only thing on my agenda this day. So how’d I end up in Forks, Washington?

Where the Hell is Forks?
If you’re not one of the 3 billion teen girls and their loopy mothers who’ve gushed over Twilight Eclipse, Forks is the town in which the vampire book and movie series takes place. Tourists come here from out-of-town, out-of-state and out-of-country in search vampires.

Vampires aren’t real, so I’m told, but Forks is.

Half-way between nowhere and beyond the outer limits, this small of town of several thousand residents spreads unimpressively across the two lanes of Highway 101. The grange, a high school, a muffler shop, the shady acres trailer park, and a grocery sit back behind gravel-strewn parking lots. Faded structures too new to be quaint and too old to be vain are typical Forks.

A Fool and His Money Are Soon Parted
Not at all typical is that every enterprising citizen of Forks is cashing in on the vampire love-a-thon taking place in their very own backyard. Their motel offers a Twilight Zone suite, the coffee shop sells Bella brews, and a roadside stand hawks Twilight firewood for soft-headed, vampire-obsessed campers.

Because I’m continually baffled by the insatiable vampire craze (see my previous blog entry), I was astonished to have innocently stumbled onto Forks, the worldwide vampire epicenter.

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Human
My mother told me vampires aren’t real. She said they’re imaginary, a figment, an allegory for forbidden love—if you know what I mean. These pale-skinned, brooding creatures are known to possess both superior physical prowess and superior minds.

I thought I was on vacation. I thought I wanted to see the only bone fide rain forest in the 48 contiguous states. I thought I was drawn to this unique place because of its natural beauty.

I’m beginning to wonder now. Did vampires make me believe my travels to the Pacific Northwest were that simple?

What’s next? Fairies, leprechauns and unicorns? I think it may be time to book a trip to Ireland.