He peeled away in my 13-year-old mini-van. I stood there on
the sidewalk, blinking, counting my money, and wondering Where’s the fire, dude?
This should have been like any other modern-day Craigslist
transaction.
Me: I
have an old mini-van to sell.
You: Have
money to give me for said mini-van.
But something felt off. He pulled up in this really big and
expensive Mercedes Benz. He stepped out wearing snazzy leather loafers, NO
socks, and flashed a shiny tough guy ring. When I greeted him, his lip curled, he
looked around the neighborhood and sniffed. Hey,
c’mon, man. I live here!
“I want a vehicle for my wife!” his voice rumbled.
He must
not like his wife very much.
As an occasional reader of mysteries and a sometimes-fan of Criminal Minds, I knew I had to
surrender to my instincts.
He was too eager and too willing to overlook the stained
carpet, broken door handle, inoperable AC, cracked windshield, and myriad
dings, scratches and dents. He wanted this hunk of junk and badly!
But why?
The Obvious
1. Dispose of his dead wife’s body. Duh!
2. Run illegal drugs, guns or fancy pants men’s shoes across
the border. No brainer!
The Cool
3. Drive it out into the desert, set it on fire, and
gleefully watch it burn as part of a man weekend ritual. Awesome!
The Absurd
4. MoFo Food Truck that specializes in soccer family fare:
apple wedges in little baggies and juice
boxes. Been there, done that!
5. Undercover police vehicle used in prostitution sting
operations at the Wal-Mart parking lot. Now,
we’re talking!
I Disavow Any Knowledge
To my knowledge, California law doesn’t require the seller
to verify lawful, moral or acceptable use of a vehicle after the transaction is
complete.
I wave, take the money, and run.
