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| Why? |
Gov. Brown declared a drought disaster in California, (like
it makes any difference, but it’s nice that he’s noticed), so now we’ve got to
reduce our water usage by 20 percent. That’s a lot of percentage points, but if
you’ve seen Folsom Lake or Oroville lately, well, we’ve got to think beyond
the tired, old water-wise advice.
Wash full loads of clothes?
Repair leaky pipes? Turn off the
faucet while brushing your dentures? Amateur advice!
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| No Mo H2O |
As a public service, I present to you four never-before-reveled
tips to really save some water:
- Replace your dog, cat or gerbil with a camel. Sorry, Fido. Sorry, Muffin. Sorry, Itchy. But you gulp down way too much H2O. A cuddly camel can not only go for weeks without water, but it also comes with its own water supply for your next shower.
- Cut in half the water level in those fancy aquariums that are de rigueur in every dentist’s waiting room. Why should salmon be the only fish that have to struggle upstream and die in less than a teaspoon of water? Your precious tetras and koi can just swim in the shallow end of the tank.
- Shower only once in your lifetime. That’s right. One time. Make it the day before your wedding like they did in the olden days. The good folks of the middle ages followed this practice, and they managed to repopulate the earth after the plague wiped out half of Europe. And as a bonus for you married folks: You don’t have to worry about a cheating spouse. Who’d want to get busy with old Stinky Pits over there?
- Pile your dishes, clothes, kids, and pet camel into the back of your pick-up truck and run the whole mess through the car wash. The average drive-through car wash uses 15 gallons of water. The average dish washer uses 6, and the average washing machine uses 25. A 10-minute camel wash uses 20 gallons. According to my calculations (and I took one semester of accounting 40 years ago), that’ll save you 51 gallons of water.
Absurd times call for absurd measures. And what’s really
absurd is that we have no say whatsoever in how wasteful the agricultural
industrial complex is.
