Dear God--Won't You Facebook Friend Me?

Why so elusive, god? You don’t e-mail, call, text, tweet, Skype, or friend me on Facebook. You’re all knowing, yet your messages are shrouded in mystery. On the rare occasion you do reach out, your point is oblique: a burning bush, a flood, plagues? Huh?

I understand that was back in the day. But nowadays, it’s even worse. Every once in a while, the National Inquirer reports that your likeness has shown up on a potato chip or on a tree trunk. What am I supposed to do with that?

What with social media, you really have no excuses. Most of us post the daily details of our lives on Facebook and in our blogs (ahem). But not you. No messages, no favorites, no photos, no farmville. I guess you’re busy, but how about a clear warning of impending doom? A simply stated e-mail message on August 28, 2005, would have been helpful.

To: New Orleans
From: The Almighty
Get out now, and take as much stuff with you as you can. A huge hurricane is coming on August 29, and your house will be full of water soon.

As a church-going Lutheran kid, I’d often ask why god let kids starve and why I didn’t get an answer to prayers.

A patient pastor or weary parent explained that god works in “mysterious ways,” ways I couldn’t possibly understand. And if I didn’t get a verbal reply from god, the answer was No.

Really? Is that all you’ve got?

I’m going to friend you on Facebook. It’s the most popular social medium for older, ahem, entities.

If I don’t hear back, I guess your answer is No.