TO: Sender of E-mailFROM: Keeper of the Universe (that’s me, apparently)
Sweet poetry and guurl power mantras, even squirrels nursing pit bulls. These messages and photos arrive by e-mail on a regular basis.
Love Watermelon Hat, But . . .
Don’t get me wrong. I love receiving them and laugh or go all gooshy upon reading each one. So please continue sending the e-mail, Mom.
Don’t get me wrong. I love receiving them and laugh or go all gooshy upon reading each one. So please continue sending the e-mail, Mom.
What I cringe at and can’t handle is the directive that I forward them on to my friends -- or enemies who need a swift kick in their dark souls.
Instructions to forward, say, a prayer to the dolphins or maybe a kid wearing a watermelon hat also inform me of the effect my action will have.
Sometimes the simple act of forwarding an e-mail will have a positive effect on my karma. Other times, pushing send can mean the difference between world peace and immediate annihilation.
This is me, here, folks. I’m a little unreliable. You should know better than to place such responsibility on my weak and sloping shoulders.
Here’s How It All Goes Down
And it gets worse. I’m told the more friends I forward the miracle of the two-legged dog to, the greater the outcome.
And it gets worse. I’m told the more friends I forward the miracle of the two-legged dog to, the greater the outcome.
For example:
1 forward = A nice day for my dog Hunter.
2 forwards = Food and water for my dog and my neighbor’s cat--that keeps crapping in my azalea bush, by the way.
3 forwards = A shelter pet will find a loving home within the hour.
1 forward = A nice day for my dog Hunter.
2 forwards = Food and water for my dog and my neighbor’s cat--that keeps crapping in my azalea bush, by the way.
3 forwards = A shelter pet will find a loving home within the hour.
And so on, until we reach the magic number 10.
10 forwards = The evil, mocking hyena on those Prey & Predator PBS specials won’t catch the sweet, wobbly-legged newborn antelope.
I really do want to help out the world. I don’t have anything against animals, children, clean water, a soaring stock market, an end to hunger, or finding a way to stop Mel Gibson from opening his mouth.
I’ve Got a Personal Problem and a Solution
My problem is two-fold:
1. I run out of time. I generally read the e-mail long after the time limit has passed and believe the Tibetan monks will have to carry on their struggle to repair that amazing 1,000-year-old rock monastery without me.
2. I don’t have 10 friends. I’m not very popular. What can I say?
My problem is two-fold:
1. I run out of time. I generally read the e-mail long after the time limit has passed and believe the Tibetan monks will have to carry on their struggle to repair that amazing 1,000-year-old rock monastery without me.
2. I don’t have 10 friends. I’m not very popular. What can I say?
Solution Involves You, Dear Reader
Please forward this blog to 10 of your friends, and ask them to be my friend. If you do, you’ll lose 10 pounds, re- grow hair, become fluent in Italian, and prevent the melting of the polar ice caps.
Please forward this blog to 10 of your friends, and ask them to be my friend. If you do, you’ll lose 10 pounds, re- grow hair, become fluent in Italian, and prevent the melting of the polar ice caps.
It’s all up to you.
Oh, it looks you've found the power of success... "Read and Forward"... Unfortunately, I always "Delete the Forwards." That's my problem. It explains why I'm 10lbs over (ha!), have hair on my chin, can't speak Italian when I'm tipsy (or sober) and am such a hot babe that the ice caps can't help by melt for me. - Lori
ReplyDeleteHere'a a solution to get the promised reward... just forward the message back to the sender TEN TIMES. - Lori
ReplyDeleteWoohoo! I'll forward 10 people about you blog, so I can have those things (speaking Italian, growing hair, oh have enough of that already, on my chin and upper lip!). So on second thought...
ReplyDelete